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Local Locomotion

Hop into the depth of your imagination and immigrate for one day to Australia and take hubby with you – without lifting a foot off of South African soil!

08:00 “G’day, mate!” If you want to talk with an Australian accent, just clench your teeth as if you are trying to keep a fly from flying into your mouth (try to say “Australia” like that!). The Australians still use old fashioned expressions as result of the prisoners that came from Europe that stayed there. They also use many diminutive forms, for example: “Bring your cossie to the Barbie this arvo”. They even refer to Australia as Ozzie.

Another strange expression is that they give opposite nick names to people. They will for example call somebody with red hair “bluesy” or “snowy” for someone with dark hair. Think of some nick names for each other and use these for the rest of the day. If your husband thinks of himself as the biggest rugby supporter, you can maybe call him “Wallaby”, (if he really doesn’t like it, then whisper in his ear that tonight he can win the scrum if you are allowed to call him that for the day). Be careful not to choose a name that will offend him or something he’s sensitive about.

08:30 start the day with a good cup of coffee in bed. Talk about your dream from last night and even other interesting dreams that you have had in your lives. Also talk about your dreams you had as a young person and what dreams are applicable to you now. What dreams do you still have as a couple? Do you still want to go on that overseas holiday? Build a house? In Australia the Aborigines believe in dream time – a parallel time with real time where spiritual activities can take place. There is believed that certain tribe members have the power to move into these times. This dream time is known as a holy “time before time”, even before the world was created. Don’t forget about those naughty times too... come on, have some guts! He would love to hear how his torso in your dreams looks the same as the Australian actor Russell Crowe.

09:00 today wear something that is green and gold (or yellow). Australians love their sport! They love rugby, tennis, surfing, athletics, cricket, and swimming, Grand Prix, hockey, netball... or your world cup soccer jersey! During the first encounter that the British had with the culture group who lived on the island continent, they wore little to no clothing. You can naturally demonstrate this dress code to hubby in the bedroom! Take everything off except for your g-string – and if you can find one with a springbok on top you get first prize!) And come into the room with a rugby ball under your arm. A rugby ball and an almost naked woman is most likely one of his fantasies that he could not even have dreamed would come true!

10:15 put all your teddy bears in a black bag and into the boot of your car (that is for an activity after lunch).

10:30 in the car on the way to the shops, play Kylie Minogue’s “Locomotion” to him. Give him a gift with handcuffs in: he can use them when he feels the time is right and the locomotion give him the guts to do the arresting. The advantage is that the choice is his: when, how and who will be the prisoner. He can give himself over to you to be handcuffed or he can take you captive! The reason of the arrest? There isn’t really a good reason. Many prisoners (about 160 000) were sent to Australia from 1788 to 1868 – many were judged under an unfair legal system and social circumstances in England. He can however think of a good reason himself – maybe because you are calling him a ‘Wallaby’ (or whatever the nick name is that you have given him). Better yet – you can give yourself over to the law...

11:00 Go past Build-a-Bear. The koala bear only lives in Australia. Build a koala bear together (or a kangaroo if you can!) with a Springbok jersey on to symbolise how the two countries can come together just as the two of you have come together as two people in one marriage. Or you can each build your own teddy, for example one with a springbok jersey and the other with a wallaby jersey. You can even think of a name for your teddies. Every time you see the teddies at home, you will remember the lovely day you had together!

12:00 nice fish and chips! This is very popular in Australia. Australia has a wide fish variety of over 4000 different species and about 1700 coral types. About 80% of the marine species that are found in the waters on the south side of Australia are not found anywhere else in the world. If you want the more traditional, healthy option you can go and enjoy a plate of cooked food (this came from the influence the British colonies had on the Australian natives) at Mike’s Kitchen.

14:00 Go and drop off the black bag full of teddy bears at the local hospital’s children’s ward. Kylie Minogue was diagnosed with breast cancer, but over came the disease. Your build-a-bear teddies can remind you to be thankful that you still have each other and that the Lord has kept you healthy.

15:30 Play outside with a boomerang (don’t forget your hat!) the boomerang is aerodynamic and is unique to Australia. It’s usually made from wood and carved by hand. Every tribe had their own patterns painted on their boomerangs. Go and swim in the pool. If you don’t own a swimming pool, you can always get out the garden hose for this purpose! (Remember to wear your white t-shirt, with nothing underneath! A small stick on kangaroo tattoo on a strategically placed spot is maybe not a bad idea, especially if you don’t tell hubby that there is a small animal hiding in your underwear). More than 80% of the Australian community live less than 50km from the coast. They are fond of barbeques and games on the beach. They are also more inclined to wear hats, due to a heightened awareness of skin cancer. Naturally Australia also has the world’s largest coral reef, The Great Barrier Reef, which is longer than 2000km and covers more than 35 million hectares!

18:00 Take out the DVD called Australia (be warned the film is about 3 hours long!). If the Mills and Boon theme doesn’t work for you, then you can always watch Finding Nemo. Australia is a film that was shot in Australia and the main characters are Nicole Kidman (Australia’s golden girl) and Hugh Jackman (hmm, if the rest of the film doesn’t do it for you, then he will make up for it!). End the rest of your evening with a “Happily ever after” (how else?).

But just before you go to bed...
Should you not be in the mood for a peaceful evening in front of the television and want to again draw on the inspiration from Kylie Minogue, you can have an enjoyable karaoke evening. Put CD’s on and sing loudly and dance around the room! You can even attempt some of the operatic arias seeing as Sydney’s Opera House was declared a world heritage site in 2007. Don’t forget about “Waltzing Matilda”! It is known as the official folk song of Australia – you will hear that they sing it at nearly every rugby game where the wallabies are playing. Interesting is that the song doesn’t refer to a girl that’s dancing, but a person who is travelling with a Matilda (a bag that you hang over your shoulder). With the singing you can practise some dance moves. It should let you cry with laughter and you can then with a few sexy moves get him to stop singing! (It is now; if he has always dreamt about being in a band and tonight he can’t get enough. Your hips movements should do the trick...)

19:30 enjoy the Australian bread that you made earlier! (The recipe is at the end of this article and is very easy). Make sure that your birth control is in place. Foreplay started at 08:30 and you don’t want in 9 months to have a real flesh ‘bun’ to take out of the oven! (Unless this is the plan!)

22:00 Lead hubby by the hand outside and go and lie on your backs on the grass (or on a sleeping bag or blanket) and look at the Southern Cross. Australia is the Latin word that means southern. Talk about what the cross of Jesus means for you and at this stage of your life. If you as a couple are going through a difficult time, encourage each other with what Dory says in ‘Finding Nemo’: “Keep on swimming, keep on swimming!”  Pray together as a couple – there’s nothing that can bring a couple together like prayer. While you are lying on a blanket under the starry sky...

23:00 if hubby feels like midnight ‘activities’, you can use Gladiator and the handcuffs for inspiration or role play.

Onya! (It means “well done!” a shortened version of “Good on you!”)

Additional sources:;;;;;
What have the Australians discovered?
Notebooks (1902)
Aspirin (1915)
The pace maker (1926)
Penicillin (1940)
The plastic disposable syringe (1949)
The wine barrel (1965)
The bionic ear (1978)
The double action toilet flushes (1980)
Anti- fraud technology for bank notes (1992)
Contact lenses that can be worn for longer periods of time (1999)
Additional Sources:

Australian Bread
The recipe is traditional bread that can be baked on the coals, or open fire or in a Dutch oven – these days it can also be baked in a conventional oven. There are naturally many variations to the recipe.
•    4 cups self raising flour
•    ¾ to 1 teaspoon salt
•    2 teaspoons sugar
•    2 teaspoons butter, at room temperature
•    1 cup of milk
•    ½ cup of water
•    Sift the flour and salt in a bowl and mix in the sugar.
•    Rub in the butter with your clean hands until the mixture has bread like consistency.
•    Form a hollow in the middle, pour in the water and mix it with a knife until the dough no longer sticks to the sides of the bowl.
•    Put it on a board that has flour sprinkled on it and knead the dough until it is soft and smooth like a baby’s bottom.
•    Form the dough into the shape of a loaf (some people make a deep cut into the top) and bake it in a preheated oven at 200°C for 25 minutes. Turn the temperature down to 180°C and bake for a further 10 to 15 minutes. The bread should be light brown and hollow inside if you knock on it.
The bread most likely comes from the Irish Immigrants/prisoners.
You can even bake the dough over an open fire or wrap it in aluminium foil and put it in the coals; or you wrap the dough around a stick and cook it over the flames.
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