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23August2019

Intimacy4us

Revenge - Loving wreck...

Women are generally an emotional species. Our hearts often talk louder than our common sense and when we are upset.... beware the person who gets in our way.

Every now and again hubby can upset us again (he already doesn’t even dare to breathe), and we want to explode. We also know the traps, a forgotten anniversary or day on the golf course. This is when we begin to boil and to find ways of evening out the playing field. We sometimes forget the saying, “revenge is a dish best eaten cold” and jump right in...
We hope that Intimacy4Us readers will never feel this way!

But when you feel that temper start to rise, breathe deeply.... and remember his good qualities!

Here are a few humoristic stories that some happily married couples tell...

DO NOT TRY THESE AT HOME!
A friend tells that the word ‘Golf’ is a swear word in their house. Her husband was going to help a friend move one Saturday morning and she decided to let her heavily pregnant body rest till he came back, where after they were going to go baby shopping. When she was kissing him goodbye she happened to see the golf bag lying in the back of his truck, but said nothing.  So after about 2 hours she lost her temper and phoned the friend with whom he was supposed to be. The friend knew of nothing and confessed that he too has not spoken to him in a while. Wild with rage she paced through the house and spotted the 12 bottles of whiskey he got from work... She was busy throwing the sixth bottle of whiskey down the drain when she heard his truck stop outside and she saw him unload the expensive, antique cot that she so desired off of his truck! And the golf clubs? They were traded in so he could afford the cot!

Ane and Diederick had planned a weekend together: movies, gardening and a braai with an old friend of Ane. They had a chance to spend time together in their busy week. Early Saturday morning one of Diederick’s friends’ phoned: they had an extra ticket for the big rugby match in Bloemfontein. The men were leaving in an hour and were going to sleep over; he was welcome to come with. It was not a difficult decision. Ane was angry, but what could she do? It was only when she walked past the shop with the expensive shoes that she so dearly wanted that the devil on her shoulder won. She bought the shoes and then also took a photo of the shoes in the shop with the price clearly visible on her cell phone. She sent it with the message: “thank you love!” No reaction. At the next shop she saw some lingerie...  and so it went on. On her way home with her boot full of shopping she drove past a BMW dealer and asked the sales man if she could have her photo taken in the car. She held the key high and gave her most beautiful smile. Not even a minute later her phone rang- her panic stricken husband was on his way home!

Then there is also the camp fire story that tells of a desperate woman who had a husband who released winds in the morning much to her disgust. She was eventually too afraid to lift the sheet!  One day she decided she had had enough and defrosted some chicken giblets. Early in the morning she made it body temperature and slipped into hubby’s pants. He woke up with his usual routine under the covers. His wife afraid that she will burst into laughter slipped out of the room to make coffee. When she returned she found him pale faced sitting on the edge of the bed. “What is wrong?” she asked innocently. “My intestines are falling out!” he exclaimed. She then in a panicky voice asked what he did. “I got such a fright, I pushed them back in!” he cried.

Our facebook friends also have a few tips:

  • Scrub the toilet with his toothbrush!
  • He gets only sandwiches for dinner for a whole week.
  • My husband passed out in front of the television. I undressed him and turned the fan on. Two weeks later all was forgotten and we laughed together.
  • A ladies night that carries on so long, and makes him worry so much, makes him think twice about ever sneaking in after midnight!
  • Draw with a permanent marker on his face when he is asleep or paint his toenails.

Here are a few more ideas:

  • Let a friend phone and leave a message on his cell phone that the blood tests are positive and you are pregnant and with the extra high count it may very well be twins. (It will work like a bomb if you have decided that your house is full.)
  • It will seem that Golf is a worldwide conflict! Advertise his golf clubs in the newspaper at a huge discount and put his cell phone number as the contact and let them call him crazy. Women say it works just as well with play stations! The message is crystal clear!
  • Shake his beer before you give it to him.
  • Those ladies who compete with laptops after work, have also become creative: Take a screen shot of his laptop and put it as his background. Everything looks as it should but nothing works when you want to click on it. If you have an optical mouse, stick some cello tape underneath – you move and you move and nothing happens. With a normal mouse pull the cable out just far enough so that it no longer works. Then there are thousands of e-mail letters that you can subscribe him to, so that his e-mail address becomes unusable.
  • Let his razor disappear, he must only realize it when he is already late for work.
  • Stop doing the washing... so that he stands dumb folded in front of his closet one morning and realizes he has no clean shirt to wear.
  • Wait till he is asleep and set his alarm.... for much later!
  • Cut open the bottom piece of the inside of his trouser pockets.
  • Let your mother come and visit for a week.
  • Buy a tin of motor oil. Pour a little on the tar under his new car each morning. He will search every morning for the leak and be so confused.
  • If his car stands outside, pour a packet of bird seed out onto it. The birds will thank him for the meal by giving him a very dirty car.


We laugh at these stories, but don’t suggest you try these. You can be the one sleeping on the couch tonight!