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16June2019

Intimacy4us

Sex Mistakes!

Nobody can tell you anything about sex. You were in a boy’s hostel and have been married for twenty years. Also everyone’s always telling you that you can’t make mistakes in the bedroom. Right? Wrong! Here are eight of the biggest mistakes men make in the bedroom.

  1. You believe you know what she wants and that you have what she needs! Don’t assume. If you’re unsure or struggle to read her body language, ask her. If she’d like to introduce a vibrator into your bedroom, don’t feel offended. It’s not a replacement for you – only a helper that assists in one area while you’re busy on other parts of her body.
  2. You think you know her body like the palm of your hand. Maybe you do. But maybe you don’t. Most men know where a clitoris is, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they understand it. “I still receive letters from people who ask things like: ‘my wife can’t get an orgasm from sex, unless she receives clitoral stimulation – please help’,” says Tristan Taormino, sexologist on webMD.com. “I want to write back: “good and what’s the problem?” The idea that woman should reach an orgasm through vaginal penetration, still sticks. Most men also don’t know how sensitive a clitoris is; sometimes so sensitive that touch can be painful. How do you know what works for her? Ask.
  3. You think foreplay begins on the mattress. We’ve been preaching it for years: Remember foreplay begins with good morning and continues on throughout the day! “Women enjoy being wooed and sex starts in the mind,” explains Yvonne K Fullbright on Fox News. If you criticise her lasagne and then ask her why she cut her hair so short, don’t expect her to put on her French maid outfit!
  4. You believe that if she isn’t creating enough lubricant that she’s not in the mood. Some men believe there’s a problem if the woman doesn’t produce enough natural lubrication for penetration. This is normal. It’s also normal to on a regular basis have to use lubricant! “The idea that a woman who’s turned on will be moist is a myth,” explains Taormino. The natural amount of lubricant that her body produces differs from day to day, depending on her menstrual cycle; it also gets influenced by tension and medication.
  5. You think that your foreplay was enough. It’s never enough! If you think that five minutes of massage and whispering sweet nothings in her ear is enough to go straight to the genitalia, then you’re making a huge mistake. A woman will quickly sense if you’re going something just to get it finished. If you move south to quickly, things can go badly very quickly. A woman needs proper stimulation before anything else feels good!
  6. You miss the point because you want to score! It’s normal to want to work towards a goal, to score and win. But with sex it doesn’t work this way. If you’re too goal orientated in the bedroom, it will place a damper on your sex life. Women like men who play. Don’t take sex too seriously and aim only for the goal line. For women sex is all about the journey and not the destination and some women even claim that sex is satisfying even if they don’t reach an orgasm because the intimacy was enough. So stay in the moment and watch what happens...
  7. You have unrealistic expectations. You maybe assume that your sweet wife only wants to do the missionary position, but don’t underestimate her. Encourage her and you’ll be pleasantly surprised (maybe with a cat in a leather outfit). Remember however not to compare her with porn stars that you were exposed to in your younger years. She’s not abnormal if she doesn’t have Dolly Parton’s proportions. You’re also not abnormal if your penis isn’t 30cm long! Also nobody can have sex for 24 hours! That happens only in movies.
  8. You’re mute in (and out) of the bedroom. This is a big problem. Many men believe that sex should just happen and that their wives should know how much and when they need it. Some men are unhappy with their sex life while their wives are blissfully unaware of it! Tell your wife what you need and how you need it and don’t say: “Hey, are we going to shag tonight?”, rather try: “You look unbelievable in that underwear...”